开心英语:代理老爸

一月 23, 2009

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon”.

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

“Good morning madam. You don’t know me, but I’ve come to….”

“Oh, no need to explain. I’ve been expecting you,” Mrs Smith cut in.

“Really?” the photographer asked. “Well, good! I’ve made a specialty of babies.”

“That’s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?” asked Mrs Smith, blushing.

“Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out.”

“Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn’t work for Harry and me.

“Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I’m sure you’ll be pleased with the results.”

“I hope we can get this over with quickly,” gasped Mrs Smith.

“Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I’d love to be in and out in five minutes, but you’d be disappointed with that, I’m sure.”

“Don’t I know!!” Mrs Smith exclaimed.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. “This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London.”

“Oh my!!” Mrs Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

“And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.” The photographer handed Mrs Smith the picture.

“She was difficult?” asked Mrs Smith.

“Yes, I’m afraid so I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look.”

“Four and five deep?” asked Mrs Smith, eyes widened in amazement.

“Yes,” the photographer said. “And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment I just packed it all in.”

Mrs Smith leaned forward. “You mean they actually chewed on your, er..,um.., ah…. equipment?”

“That’s right. Well madam, if you’re ready, I’ll set up my tripod so that we can get to work.”

“Tripod??” Mrs Smith looked extremely worried now.

“Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It’s much too big for me to hold while I’m getting ready for action. Madam? Madam?

Good Grief, she’s fainted!!

看懂了吗?看不懂的朋友请参考下面的译文,感谢网友 江天梦提供翻译内容:

史密斯两口子婚后多年一直无子,只好决定聘请代理爸爸,希望他们家能象别人那样过上有孩子的生活。有一天,代孕爸爸马上就要到了,史密斯先生和妻子吻别,说:“我先离开一会儿,那人很快就到了。”

真见鬼!刚过了半小时,正巧一个平常以挨家挨户给人家拍摄婴儿照片为生的摄影师上门来推销生意,他按响了门铃。

“早上好!夫人。你还不认识我吧,我到贵处来是想……”

“哦,不用解释了,我这不是一直都在等着您来吗!”史密斯太太打断了摄影师的话。

“真的吗?那简直是妙极了!弄宝宝这种事情,我已是一个行家了!”摄影师回答说。

史密斯太太脸上一阵发热,说:“对呀,那正是我和先生希望得到的!请进来坐会儿。”“我们在哪里搞好呢?”她接着问道。

“您不用操心,一切看我的。一般浴缸试两次(此处量词应为张,而英文是没有量词的——译者注),沙发上一次,床上也许就两次。有时候客厅地板也不错,因为地方够大,你完全可以放开来。”

“浴缸?客厅地板?怪不得我和哈里(她丈夫的名字)搞不出什么名堂来。”史密斯太太心里自言自语。

“啊对了,夫人,咱俩谁也担保不了每搞一次都能搞出什么好结果来。不过我们可以多搞几次,有各种姿势的,我也换六、七个角度弄弄。”(shoot也有两层意思:“拍摄”和“射击”,此处女方理解为另外一种意思:“射……”——译者注)

史密斯太太目瞪口呆地说:“但愿我们能快点搞完。”

“夫人,这种事情急不得。我的工作原则是,男人应该懂得付出时间。我倒希望一进一出五分钟就能搞好,不过我敢说,这样您会失望的。”(in and out从工作开始到完工,但对方理解为“从进去再出来”——译者注)

“我还不知道吗!”史密斯太太几乎叫出声来。

这时摄影师打开手提箱,拿出一大叠婴儿照片,说:“您瞧!这些都是在伦敦市中心区的公共汽车顶上弄出来的。”

“哦,天!”史密斯太太这次真叫出声来,不过她赶紧用手巾捂住了自己的嘴。

接着摄影师又递过来一张照片让史密斯太太看:“您看,这是一对双胞胎宝宝。您都不知道当时这俩小家伙的妈妈有多么难搞呢!”

“她怎么难搞了?”史密斯太太不禁问道。

“嗨!您不知道吧!当时我就担心搞不好,结果只好把她带到海德公园,好不容易才把事情干完。当时那里的游人围得里三层外三层的,都想一睹为快!”

史密斯太太眼睛睁得鸭蛋似的,吃惊地问道:“里三层外三层?”

“可不是吗!还整整搞了三个多小时呢。孩子的母亲又喊又叫,没完没了,弄得我都 无法集中精力。后来天都快黑下来了,我只好匆忙完事。(shot“抓拍”也可理解为“射”——译者注)到最后,松鼠都从树上跳下来咬我的家伙了,我只好赶 紧把家伙包起来。”(equipment“装备”,俗意“家伙”,此处即照相工具——译者注)

史密斯太太几乎跌倒:“你是说,松鼠还真的啃了你的……呃……这个……那个……家伙?”

“可不是嘛!好了,夫人,您做好准备了吗?我要打开三脚架了,我们可以开始了。”

“三脚架?”史密斯太太都快不行了。

“是啊,我不用三脚架怎么把我的佳能(相机)架起来啊(夫人听成cannon-加农炮)?这玩意儿太大了,我干活时根本抓不住。夫人?夫人?您怎么了?”

慈悲的上帝!她早晕过去了!!

无觅相关文章插件

发表评论

本站采用创作共用版权协议, 要求署名、非商业用途和保持一致. 转载本站内容必须也遵循“署名-非商业用途-保持一致”的创作共用协议